Tag Archives: humor

Skype’s heretofore ‘explanation’ doesn’t add up

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We’ll see what Skype’s official outage explanation is in the morning (they promised to deliver an official explanation), but I have a few theories:

  • It doesn’t take three days to restore a botched code patch. Skype is too smart not to be revision-controlling their server code. And these aren’t 500 GB patches, either. They’re probably a few MB in size and can be replicated across Skype’s network in minutes, if not seconds. This “algorithm” explanation makes no sense. If it were bad programming, why didn’t Skype just roll it back from their CVS or their CodeSafe or whatever rev system they’re using?
  • A more plausible explanation would be the disappearance and subsequent difficult restoration of centralized authentication data, ie. customer account information. Perhaps somebody forgot to push in a backup tape one night. No joke. This makes more sense to me. Did anybody change a password just prior to the Skype outage and then fail to have that password change reflected after the system came back online?
  • The Windows Update theory is out the window. pun intended. Mac users were knocked out too.

How to Deal with Time Warner Support when your Internet Access is Down.

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1.    When asked, “Are you using Windows XP?”, always, always, respond by saying, “Yes”, even if you’re using a Macintosh or an Amiga 500.  Trying to communicate with Time Warner support in a non-Windows networking dialect will triple the amount of time you spend on the phone.
2.    When asked, “Are you using a router?”, always, always, respond by saying, “No”, even if you are in fact using a router. The existence of a router is an immediate cause for finger-pointing by your Time Warner support rep, and though you may know thirty-four times more about networking than the Canadian gentleman on the other end of the line, the existence of your broadband router, which you’ve had for four years and has never even so much as hiccupped, will automatically be the problem. So, no router. Got that?
3.    No matter what they say, insist that your access just went down. Otherwise they’ll try to act like since you don’t know precisely when it went down, they can’t correlate it with a service outage “in your area”. And if they can’t do that, then they can say it’s your fault. It doesn’t matter when you actually noticed that your access went down. Always say “it just did, just now!”
4.    For added dramatic affect, tell them that you were surfing along just fine until you “got a bunch of blank web pages and your iTunes cut off in the middle of a download.”  Remember, you’ve got to give it to them in laymen’s terms. Don’t mention DNS errors or packet loss and these complex sayings will confuse your Time Warner support rep.
5.    Try to get “the local person” on the phone as soon as possible. Hopefully they will pity you because they live near you and actually get your issue resolved!

More N95 thoughts

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Well I have been using this Nokia N95 for quite a while now, at least a month and half, and I never had a chance to come to that same conclusion that Luca and VoIPGirl came to: that the earbud cord is too short. Why? Because I still haven’t used it for music!  I’m a Apple value chain slave so I’m an all-iTunes, all-iPod guy.  Same thing with the N800–no sense using the earbuds, not even for the FM radio feature, at least in my opinion. Novel, yeah, but not practical.

Great way to get subscription discount: QUIT.

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I’ve noticed an interesting trend. Subscription-based services tend to be more expensive for existing customers than they are for new or returning customers. This was borne out in three ways for me recently. First, about a year ago I cancelled my World of Warcraft subscription. Sorry, the whole Reality Thing just made WoW a personal waste of time for me. But I started receiving really appealing offers from Blizzard to re-up, the most recent of which arrived in my mailbox: a copy of the Burning Crusade expansion on DVD along with a block of free playtime.

Second, I tried out an online dating site for a social networking white paper I’ve been working on (OK so maybe I went to a few dinners, too). After I concluded my inquiries, I cancelled the subscription to the dating site. After cancellation, I got a re-up offer at 20% off the original fee. Then, a few weeks later, I got a re-up offer at 35% off. Now, I’m up to 50% off. Maybe I should just keep waiting until it’s totally free.

Then there’s the whole new customer service bundle thing that the MSOs and telcos are doing. Want cheaper broadband access? Cancel your subscription for a month, say you went to a competitor, and then let the original service provider “win” you back at $20/month for a year. Sure it’s dirty, but no dirtier than charging happy customers more than available customers.

The lesson?  Prospective revenue is more valuable to these guys than current revenue.

Oddities from the road (save our planet)

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Yes, you too can “save our planet” by throwing towels on the hotel bathroom floor. Yup, somehow, this will rescue the planet from inevitable doom imposed by consuming too much water. Never mind the fact that water consumption encourages public health or that water is an infinitely renewable resource. Go now, and save our planet!

Grand Central Strangiosity

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Toying around with Grand Central a few weeks ago, I set up a Grand Central number in order to test and evaluate the service. I went through the paces of my initial evaluation and then didn’t mess with it again for several weeks. Yesterday, my cell phone started ringing while I was at lunch. I was in a meeting and decided to decline the call to send it to my voicemail. Then, the party (calling from a local number here in Cleveland) called again, and again, and again. After about 5 calls in 3 – 4 minutes, I went and put my phone in my car and came back in to lunch (I didn’t want to turn the phone off because I like to have the call history).  When I got back to my car, the party had attempted 17 times to reach me without leaving a voicemail.

So I thought, boy that’s strange.

Then, when I got back to my office, I had 2 Grand Central voicemails in my inbox. Both of which were from the same caller that had called my phone–and neither of which contained anything other that breathing. Each was about 3 seconds long. So the caller had been dialing my Grand Central number–which forwards to my cell phone number.
Now here’s the funny thing: I’ve never given my Grand Central number to anybody. So it’s odd that somebody from the 216 area code of all places (Cleveland, where I reside) would be calling me on it. It makes it less of a random thing and more of a coincidence. Also, I could understand if a FAX machine was running on auto pilot and calling my number over and over, but hey FAX machines don’t breathe on your voicemail.

A call back to the caller’s number greeted me with a generic voicemail prompt and the caller hasn’t returned my call yet.